7 Tips for Talking to Your Asian Family About Third Party Reproduction
The decision of whether or not to discuss your choice to pursue third party reproduction with your family is a major one. Some people choose to inform their family about donor-aided conception to gain emotional support and understanding throughout the fertility journey. Sharing this information can help family members feel included and respected in this significant aspect of their loved one's life, and it can be important for future conversations about the child's genetic background.
Others may decide not to disclose the use of donor eggs or sperm to avoid potential judgment, misunderstanding, or stigma, especially if cultural or religious beliefs may influence their family's views on third-party reproduction. Some intended parents prefer to keep the decision private, to shield the child from complex family dynamics and ensure that their conception story is shared with them at an appropriate age and in a controlled manner.
For those who have decided to share their decision with their family but are apprehensive about finding the right words, here are our top tips for talking to your Asian family members.
1. Prepare to Explain and Respond
Before discussing third-party reproduction, equip yourself with information and anticipate possible reactions. Understand that family members may initially have concerns or misconceptions. Be ready to explain the process, benefits, and reasons for your decision calmly and factually.
2. Understand Family Norms and Expectations
Asian families may have their own cultural or religious norms and expectations that are important to consider when planning your conversation. For instance, East Asian and Southeast Asian cultures often prioritize family reputation and privacy, and may be more reserved about discussing reproductive issues openly. Compounding this is the complex legal environment for third party reproduction in East and Southeast Asia, where egg donation and surrogacy may be restricted or even banned. This means that third party reproduction is less common, and it may be the first time that your family members learn about these options. Other cultures may place greater emphasis on traditional family structures, lineage and inheritance. Some families may have religious reservations about assisted reproductive technologies and third party reproduction.
3. Emphasize Shared Values
Highlight the shared values of family and the desire for children. Explain that third-party reproduction is a means to achieve the shared goal of having a family. Emphasize the medical necessity or personal reasons that led you to this decision, and reassure them about the ethical and legal safeguards in place.
4. Consider One-on-One Conversations
Recognize that your family may have different levels of comfort discussing reproductive issues. For families who value privacy, consider having private, one-on-one conversations rather than discussing it in a group setting. Be sensitive to their feelings and acknowledge their concerns.
5. Offer Reassurance and Support
Reassure your family that third-party reproduction is a safe and ethical practice. Share success stories and provide information from reputable sources to alleviate their concerns. Offer to include them in discussions with your medical team if they have questions or need further reassurance.
6. Be Patient and Open-Minded
Understand that acceptance may take time. Be patient and open-minded, allowing your family to process the information at their own pace. Be prepared for follow-up conversations and ongoing discussions.
7. Seek External Support
If the conversation becomes too difficult, consider seeking support from a counselor or a support group familiar with third-party reproduction and cultural sensitivities. They can provide guidance and help mediate discussions with your family.
By approaching the conversation with understanding, respect, and patience, you can help your family become more open to the idea of third-party reproduction and support your journey to parenthood.
